MY TWO SELFS
I don't know if this ever happens to you, but every once in a while I have a heightened sense of self-awareness that causes me to vividly imagine two visions of my life and future that are extreme opposites of one another. They are "the best version of myself" and "the worst version of myself". In those moments, I see them with stunning clarity and I realize how short a journey it is for either one of them to become reality.
For example, in the worst version of myself (which is the vision that visits most frequently) I walk away from deep devotion to Jesus, I am self-absorbed, I seek only fun, adventure, entertainment, material stuff, and pleasure. I am funny, vulgar, and fun to be around for short durations of time, but have no deep relationships for I have run off every meaningful friend with my selfishness and lack of dependability. I have lots of money, toys, pleasure and entertainment, but realize how detached and utterly alone I have become. I recognize that I lack all peace and joy in my soul and that death probably scares me. It is Ecclesiastes at its worst.
In the best version of myself, I envision being healthy and whole at the core of my being. I like myself, but am completely able to forget myself to love and serve those around me. My identity is squarely anchored in the grace, mercy, love and power of God and I need nothing to "complete me". In this vision I am courageous, compassionate, action-oriented, and lacking no good thing. I am free, fulfilled, and mightily used by God to build others up and inspire them towards Jesus.
In the worst me, I am living from the flesh and am, indeed, a slave to it. In the best me, I am living from my soul and am having the time of my life because of the freedom and joy that anchor me in Jesus.
It stuns me how close either of those visions are to becoming reality at any one time. One involves a fall - an unstable condition that seeks stability and fulfillment from self. The other involves a climb - a pressing on to the upward call of God in Christ Jesus, in which case He supplies all the strength, confidence and power needed to be useful to Him and to those I love.
What about you? What are the best and worst versions of you and toward which are you currently moving?