Change Your Story, Change Your Life
Jim Ladd
We are constantly talking to ourselves and that self-talk is framed and fueled by a narrative we have adopted about the significant moments, impactful relationships, and deep wounds of our lives. But what is interesting is that there are at least two versions of every story we tell ourselves and both of them are accurate, though they are radically different.
The story you choose to embrace determines a great deal about your mental and emotional health, your optimism, and your sense of personal confidence.
Story one will be fairly negative: it will major on the things you were owed, but never received. It will envision the people who betrayed you. It will show highlights of your own personal failures, mistakes and lapses of judgement. It will be a sad story and one that drains your energy rather than inspires you.
The other story will include the same pain, loss, failures, and disappointments, but it will be framed by the personal power you held and continue to hold, the backstory of the ones who hurt you, the redemption God is offering in your process, and the desired future that lies ahead.
Both stories are true.
Choose the good story. How do I know which story is the good one? It will always include three items:
Personal Responsibility. You will see the role you played in the story you tell and you will see the opportunity you have to leverage the pain for good, with God’s help.
Grace for Others: You will see the backstory of those who hurt or disappointed you and will recognize that they are flawed, wounded, depraved individuals just like you. This will not excuse their behaviors or release them of responsibility, but it will explain it.
Hope for the Future: You will see that God is at work in the redemption of your story and that you have a bright future ahead, no matter how painful the past.
Think of a story you keep replaying in your mind - one that has pain or disappointment in it. Now tell the story differently, including those three elements and see how your feelings change in the process.
Remember, both stories are true and accurate. Two things can be true at the same time. Your parents can have failed you, hurt you, and deprived you; AND they could have been the product of horrific tragedy or betrayal in their own history as well.
Your spouse can be neglecting, hurting, or abandoning you AND you have played a role, their behaviors are probably a logical extension of their own story, and God will walk you forward with power and redemptive hope.
Articulate both stories. That is important. But cling to the power of the good story and allow that one to point you forward.