Help My Unbelief

Ryan O’Neill

Mark 9:20-24: “So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth. Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?” “From childhood,” he answered. “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

In Mark we read a story about a father doubting. While we haven’t been through what this father had been through with his son, we’ve all been in a place of doubt at one point or another in our faith. When we look at this biblical narrative, we find that while the story itself is different than our own, the components involved are fairly similar to our journeys. Deconstructed a bit, we see elements of expectation, desperation, and admiration.

Faith in Jesus is a relationship, and with any relationship comes expectation. The father in this passage had no doubt been let down many times prior to Jesus. Maybe he had sought different healers or doctors, all who had failed. Even Jesus’ disciples couldn’t help the boy. His expectation was to be let down, but Jesus defeated that perception. Too often I think we bring our own expectations into our relationship with God and expect Him to meet those expectations, and that leads to us being disappointed and doubting after He doesn’t give us what we want. In reality, this relationship is about Him shaping us and leaving our expectations behind.

The father was also desperate. He’s in so much pain he’ll do anything to help his son. In these times of desperation, when we’re in the “valley” of perceived suffering, we cry out to God saying “where are you??” We doubt God when we don’t get an answer in that exact moment, wondering if He cares. We ask for a sign or for Him to show us something, and completely forget the times He’s come through for us in the past.

In 2018 I got the opportunity to climb Mount Rainier. It was the greatest, most rewarding, challenging, and most painful thing I’ve ever done. After being on the mountain an extra day due to avalanches, on the third day we made it to the top. It was a bluebird day and I could see what seemed like the entire Pacific Northwest from the summit. Hard to fathom people think there isn’t a God when you see a sight like that, absolutely gorgeous. But it was also barren at the peak, all ice and rock. When I got back down to Paradise towards the base, the wildflowers were inescapable. Lush vegetation and beautiful plants and flowers were everywhere. The valley was green. All of that was at the valley. Why do you never see farmland or gardens on a mountaintop?

Because the valleys are where you grow.

Faith grows in times of doubt. It’s challenged, and we depend on God. We grow closer to Him and learn more of His character and nature. Out of that growth comes admiration - a deepened connection. An intimacy with the Lord that rivals nothing we know. The father in Mark sees what Jesus is capable of, and is forever changed.

Doubt unchecked turns into disbelief, and there’s a big difference between disbelief and the word unbelief that’s used in the Mark passage. Unbelief comes from a Greek word meaning “wanting to trust.” We want to trust God, and ask God to help us with that trust. Disbelief means “to refuse to belief something is true.”

When we doubt, I want to challenge us to lean into that doubt. Rather than run from it, or bottle it up, we bring it to the Lord. If we communicate with Him about it and wrestle with it and learn who Jesus is within it, then our faith will be strengthened as a result. We use it to get closer to God, not disassociate ourselves from Him. The key here is to communicate. Talk to the God that so desperately wants to be in relationship with us. We are blessed beyond what we deserve, but sometimes even in the midst of those blessings we are cursed with doubt. In those times, I pray I have the courage to ask God to “help my unbelief.”